It's almost been two weeks since the first of the new treatment and I'm feeling great. School started again yesterday and I'm ready for it to be over. It's tough being older than pretty much everyone in all of your classes and having nothing in common with them. I've been forced to take a business ethics class and everyone in the class is a freshman with half of them having never worked a job in their life so they believe they've never had an "ethical dilemma". That revelation left me searching for a very solid surface for me to slam my head against repeatedly. But, alas, I survived my first day of classes and am looking forward to get Thursday over with simply because I know it will be a long day and, knock on wood, hopefully I'll feel fine again.
I've been getting a lot of messages from people throughout the course of this journey I'm on and I truly appreciate the words of encouragement from everyone, there are even messages that bring me to tears because I am beginning to realize that I might be able to help people get through adversity by spreading a positive attitude. I understand it's difficult to approach someone who is dealing with a situation that you maybe cannot relate to or feel like your problems are small and petty compared to theirs. My answer to that is simple...we all have our battles, we all have our own demons and I never for a second think that the crap I'm dealing with is ever more difficult or a bigger deal than whatever you are going through. People say that they know their lives cannot compare to mine, I disagree. I might be over-simplifying things, but I've been dealt a crappy hand of cards and refuse to fold until I can make a winner out of them...it happens to everyone at one point or another in life and what defines you as a person and says the most about your character is what you do when the shit hits the fan.
Originally, I was going to write about another Jack's Mannequin song that has helped me out, but instead I'm thinking it's a good day for motivation. It's a new year and a new chance to write our stories and to make a difference....Eventually, all of this will make its way into a book so at least I can claim to be a writer when I meet girls...just kidding (sort of). But one day I want to be able to share what this journey has been like from the moment I realized something was wrong, to where I am today. For now, this will suffice...
The day I was diagnosed was hell. I won't go into detail because I've only told a few people all of the events of that week and I don't want to start writing and leave things out because as you could imagine a lot of it was a blur. The day I was officially diagnosed by the oncologist in North Carolina I was sent a message from one of my friends who had transferred across the country because his family had moved out there. He ended his message of encouragement with a quote that has been my battle cry if you will, it has stuck with me from the instant I read it. The quote if from "The Count of Monte Cristo"....
"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout...'Do your worst, for I will do mine!'"
I don't believe any further explanation is needed...
Later that day, I wrote an email to my family and tried to be as positive as I could after the horrible day I was having. I explained that whatever tough times that were ahead of me were nothing I could not handle and that I have never truly failed at anything before in my life and I wasn't about to start. My fighting spirit began on day one and I'll even admit, there were days when it was barely still alive, but you have to hit rock bottom before your climb to the top. This illness will do its worst...cancer's only job is to kill and it does not ever take a break until its mission is complete and you've been consumed by it. I have to do my worst in return and defy its mission by waking up every morning and living my life on my terms by surviving just one more day, because everyday is one day closer to a cure. Whatever you are up against, welcome the challenge and remember that you are stronger than you think because you can and will weather the storm.
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