1/19/11

Well this can't be right...I feel fine...hmmm...this is me being utterly confused/surprised. Here I was getting myself all psyched out for the new treatment and expecting the worst, and I feel absolutely normal. I sat there in the waiting room at the hospital all nervous because I had no idea what to expect or how bad the side effects would hit me from this new treatment. Turns out I had some extra support there with me that day, one of my best friends growing up, Lou, was in the city for work and hung around the hospital with us which was exactly the lift I needed that day. I would be lying if I said I wasn't extremely nervous going into the day because I know how badly the other treatments affected me. They called me back into the treatment suite where I sat in the recliner and awaited whatever would come next. Of course things didn't go smoothly...why should they? When the drugs arrived, one of the IV bags was leaking so they had to be sent back down to the pharmacy and I'd have to wait until a new batch was ready. After about an hour, the drugs were back and it was time to begin. The first step was the same as it has been for the last two years almost...the nurse had to access the port in my chest. This step is accomplished with an inch long needle and the nurse yelling at me to "take a deep breath!!" as it pierced my skin. I give Lou credit, because it's not an easy thing to watch especially if you are weary of needles. This step, has unfortunately become like nothing for me and I simply take my deep breath and endure the pinch as the needle finds its way into the port. The first drug they administered was called Avastin and was only a ten minute infusion. That portion went off without any problems. The next would be a half hour infusion of Irinotecan which had the potential for more side effects than the Avastin. I braced myself for whatever was next and simply told myself "Well, this will probably suck." I've become very insightful throughout all of this I swear. They gave me a mega-dose of steroids...triple what I had taken a few times during my early treatments. I guess I need to start working out this semester so I can at least put them to good use. So the infusion started and I felt absolutely fine for the first five minutes. About ten minutes in, I was reading an article on my blackberry when I suddenly noticed I could barely focus on the screen. I looked up and the feeling hit me...I was incredibly drunk! Well, not drunk I guess, but I was definitely out of it. I couldn't focus and my center of balance was off, my vision was all over the place, and judging by my dad's reaction, I had a pretty stupid look on my face. I informed the nurse I was feeling "funky" and she said that it was normal. My eyes were also watering at an incredible rate and it looked as if I was sitting there crying my eyes out (this was a normal side effect). So I sat there in my altered state for the remaining twenty minutes and when it was time for the IV to be taken out, I told the nurse that I wasn't feeling too hot and probably wouldn't make it too far if I tried to get up and leave. At that point she decided to give me the backup plan...Atropine (yeah it's the same name of the stuff in the movie The Rock that they tell Nicholas Cage to inject into his heart if he comes in contact with the VX-Poison Gas). Luckily, I had not been exposed to VX Gas at this point and did not have to stab myself in the heart with a giant syringe. The atropine was administered and within a minute I began to feel exponentially better than I did. Finally, I was ready to leave and was able to walk out to the parking garage under my own power. It did feel like I had just gotten the crap beat out of me and I slowly walked out of the hospital, but relatively speaking, I really didn't feel too bad. The next day I fully expected to wake up and feel like death...this was not the case. I woke up and felt great! Of course, I had some trouble sleeping because the steroids make you feel a bit wired, but if insomnia is my harshest side effect, I will take that 100 times out of 100. Since the treatment, I've been feeling great and really have nothing to complain about. Who knows if things will get worse because I'm sure these drugs take time to build up in my system and then side effects might come along, but until then I'm just thankful I feel great and pray that this stuff works. It's a bit scary that I don't feel terrible because I'm not sure if that means these drugs won't affect me...it's going to sound ridiculous but I'd almost rather feel like crap as long as that means the treatment is working. For now I guess it's just a leap of faith. Just have to take it one day at a time, one treatment at a time, and eventually we'll get this thing figured out.

Over the weekend I had the privilege of being invited to the American Cancer Society's Hope Lodge in Manhattan to attend their all-star reception. The reception was set up to honor those who had raised a significant amount of money for their respective Relay for Life. I was invited to briefly speak and share my experiences with those present. What I said and the message I am trying to spread is not why I went...I wanted to thank the volunteers and employees of the American Cancer Society for all they do in support of those fighting for their lives. The Hope Lodge was an amazing place that provided a place to live for people who are receiving treatment in the City which required them to be there for a few days. Everyone knows a hotel room in the city is extremely expensive, and not everyone is able to drive in everyday to receive the treatment they need. This establishment is meant to take the burden off of these people. Believe me, when you are sick, the world seems like it is going a million mile per hour between setting up appointments, travel arrangements, and on top of it all feeling like crap. Having one less thing to worry about can mean the world to patients. It's nice knowing that you have a large organization on your side and they can lend you a helping hand. Why do I support the American Cancer Society when I own my own non-profit organization that also raises money for an eventual cure for cancer? It's simple, the American Cancer Society is a huge organization that offers more than just money to fund new treatments and research, they provide resources and services that help a great deal of people. While RELENTLESS Against Cancer will continue to do its part, we cannot offer these services to people because we do not have the resources. We are doing our part to donate to institutions that are doing research and working on new treatments because the research is not cheap. On top of that I want to spread a message...it's no secret that I do not identify myself with Lance Armstrong and his "Livestrong" message, and I do not support organizations who have lost their way and spend over $1million per year of donor money to sue small companies (such as mine) for using the phrase "For the Cure" in any of their fundraisers (you know which one I'm talking about). Our message is simple...the fight against cancer is something that must be renewed each and every day. Every day you wake up is a chance to make a difference. While the ultimate goal cannot be accomplished in one day, everyday we are closer to making it a reality. Our efforts must be tireless, an overwhelming opponent can only be defeated by RELENTLESS work and refusal to accept failure.