7/3/11 Almost

Where have I been? Honestly, I’m not even sure. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything and I apologize, but the spark was gone…I had nothing to write about. My life had become so mundane that my routine was literally driving me mad. I won’t go through all the details, but there are some things that have happened and are about to happen which are pretty important. The first part of SIRT went just as planned and the recovery for that was not bad at all, but my nagging rib injury came back…this time however, it was not a simple fix with some relaxation. Around the area where the rib was hurting/fractured, there began to form some inflammation as well as something harder. Scans revealed that that there is something there behind all the inflammation that is not letting my bone heal properly which is why I keep reinjuring it doing stupid things. They haven’t said what the growth is, whether it is cancerous or not, in fact, at this point it doesn’t really matter…it just has to go. So the solution has been five treatments with radiation directly through the skin and into the area. That’s what I’ve been doing the last week and the rib hurts like hell right now, but they said it would get worse before it started to feel better. Oh well, at least I know it’s working then. Hopefully that will get resolved quickly because I really want to play some golf and get back on my motorcycle. With all of this going on it seems like I’m stuck in my own world while everyone else is living their lives. A very frustrating feeling indeed. My oncologist also started me on chemo pills called Xeloda which is taken for two weeks and then I get a week off. Truthfully, this Xeloda medicine is our last try before we go to the clinical trials. If the SIRT can keep my liver under control and the Xeloda can keep my lungs and anywhere else under control, then we can buy more time…however that is a big if. It’s another episode of the waiting game. A few months on the Xeloda and then a scan. I know the SIRT will do its job…I need this to work. My last installment of the SIRT procedure is this Wednesday and hopefully the recovery goes smoothly. The main thing is I need to gain weight. I’ve lost too much weight and am now down to about 150 lbs. I just need to get my energy back so I can start doing more activities that will enable me to grow stronger. Unfortunately, moving from my bed to the couch and possibly out to subway for lunch doesn’t live up to how I used to workout.

I’ve been absolutely exhausted and in a lot of pain for the last month. The pain in my rib has come and gone, sometimes not so bad, but sometimes it’s almost unbearable. The doctors told me I’d be very tired, but I had no idea what real fatigue felt like until this summer. I’ll easily sleep more than twelve hours, stay awake for eight, then go right back to sleep. It’s not as fun and relaxing as it sounds. I’m too exhausted to go out and do much of anything. I walk as much as I can around my neighborhood, and even though progress has been slow, I keep at it. I haven’t been myself…I haven’t answered every alert on my phone…some messages and emails and other things have fallen through the cracks and for that I apologize. I’ve needed this month to focus on myself and to try to recover and deal with what has been some of the hardest times since I first became sick in 2009. One more hump in the road to get over this week then I can fully concentrate on recovering. Once August rolls around I’ll be close to my normal self again. I just have to take each day as it comes and hope that tomorrow is better.